Goodbye || Lucy&Open


Kneeling down, Lucy placed the small boat into the river. A picture of Sam and herself lay on the front, with her locket placed right in front of the photo. Her head low as she gave it a small push to send it sailing into the river, the wind picking up the speed as she gulped, crossing her arms, watching the small boat sail further and further out. Closing her eyes for a moment, she shook her head attempting to bring herself to not cry. “Goodbye Sam.. You were my best friend.. and I’m sorry you didn’t get the funereal that you deserve,” She spoke softly, her voice shaking slightly. 

Shaking her head, and running her fingers through her straightened hair, Lucy began to cry softly. Her heart was hurting, and she couldn’t tell anyone about it. Pulling the sleeves of her jacket down, and using the edges to wipe underneath her eyes, Lucy walked back to the docks. The sound of her heels clicking against the wooden floor. She looked up at the sunset, the wind blowing as her mind raced with thoughts. She leaned against the wooden railing, taking a deep breath as she watched the skies. 

Caroline stood back a bit of the way into the wooded area. She watched her sister curiously, seeing her cry was not easy. She knew Sam had died, she hadn’t seen her yet in the after life or whatever the hell the dead liked to call it but she figured she’d pop up soon. Caroline was never really fond of Sam but she was Lucy’s best friend. Her sisters loss, was her loss. Caroline wanted so badly to walk up to her but she was afraid of what might happen if she did.

Caroline slowly made her way to the dock. Her steps made no sound and her movements didn’t move anything else. She moved right through anything in her way. “It’s just a step forward.” She whispered softly to her, “You’re so strong, Lucy, I adore you. I’m so sorry you keep losing people, but were here we really are.” Caroline felt a tear drip down her cheek, wondering if her sister, if she turned, could see her.


I won’t lie to you Car, it takes time… It wasn’t until last month when I heard Celia that I truly realized that it wasn’t over, that maybe I was meant to have been shot so that no matter what, I could always look over my baby girl… No, Caroline you’ve been through so much more than I ever did, you are so so strong. You didn’t break anyone… I promise you this, your death will always be with Lucy, with everyone who you meant something too, but you will get to watch them regain their happiness and it will give you more hope and more happiness than you know….


I believe you… I… I want to watch her get married and be happy in the future. I’ll… I’ll just stay with you and we’ll be okay. God this is so hard….


I know it seems scary right now… I know it seems like you’ll never get over not being there anymore. But it’s not scary, Carrie. It’s amazing, over the last seven months I’ve watched Rikki grow into such an amazing mother, I get to watch over Celia and I heard her first words… I’m not cold anymore, Caroline. And I won’t leave you alone this time either… I love you, too, Care… 


When do I get to see the good? All of seen is Lucy crying…. and Caleb is just gone. I can’t find him no matter how hard I look he’s no where and I want him back… You’re stronger than me Jacob…. I ruined everything when I was alive, and you? You fixed people. I just broke them.


And you did a perfect job, Caroline… Now Lucy will find her place in the world, with her closest friends and anyone else who comes into her life in the future, and we get to watch her find happiness again… You don’t know what a miracle is until you watch someone you love become happy again. I tried to save you, I’m sorry I failed.


I know she’s strong… but I was supposed to be there to hug her when she finally found her place. She has no one left. J-jacob… it’s not your fault. I’ll never be happy again and that’s no ones fault by my own. I… I love you Jake..


Hey, hey… Carrie, shh… She didn’t though, did she? She’s still there, we will help her through this. Nate, Marissa they will help her through this. I know it’s hard, I had to watch you come here… 


They’re not me… I raised her… Nobody knows her like I do, and nobody can help her like I can but now I can’t. Y-you watched me die? Jacob…. Why would you do that?


Caroline… We don’t have to let these people go. We watch over them— Everyday, every night. Do you understand why?


Lucy almost died, Jacob! I want to be with her but not like that! I was wrong this isn’t what I wanted!

And for all the love I never gave you,

I should have darling

It was real and I was there

Now that I’m gone

I hope someone else loves you

but nobody could love you as much I did darling

nobody could love you as much as I do

and i’m lost without the sentience 

the warmth of a real companion

I hurt you, I burnt you, and sorrowed myself instead of you

but I love you…

I change my mind… this isn’t what I wanted. This isn’t the peace that I wanted, this is just nothing. It’s to late for me to realize that Caleb was my peace, and Lucy was my safe place, and Marissa was my supervisor of love, Alec was a vacation from reality and everything I needed was there all around me but I fucked it up. I fuck everything up. I’m not in heaven, I’m not in hell, and I can’t figure out where the hell I am at this point. I can’t find Jacob, or my baby and maybe thinking the after life was real was just a big part of my depression. Thinking that if I died I’d get to be with people who really loved me but the only people who ever loved me will never get to see me again. I just have to watch them go about their lives and I can’t touch any of them. I can’t kiss Caleb, I can’t hug Lucy, I can’t cuddle with Evan, I can’t have anything anymore. The only thing I get is darkness… it’s even darker than I claimed it was when I was alive and now I… I…. I want to go back to my home…. I want to live again…. Can’t I get a second chance?!


the three stages of Caroline Howard’s death:

original impact of the car

entering the darkness of death

acceptance and guardian angle-ship


Caleb doesn’t know what to say, so he just slightly nods, biting his lip. “I won’t be as happy with someone else as I was with you.. Its not going to be easy..but I’ll do it for you..” He said with a small sigh. “I miss you already, Care..” He says as his hand ghosts her cheek, barely touching it.

Caroline looked deeply into her eyes, “Goodbye Caleb.” She said nearly inaudibly before disappearing into dust.